Being a Respectful Ex

The worst part of relationships is some of the unfortunate endings. I once read a quote on Pinterest that said you would essentially end up either marrying or breaking up with the individual you are currently dating. The quote terrified me. Partially because I could not imagine breaking up with my significant other, and also because the idea of marriage for me at this point in my life is just not applicable. But nevertheless, the quote holds a lot of truth. But since marriage is no where close to being on my mind, today I’m discussing the breaking up portion, and the aftermath that follows.

Breaking up with someone who you spent a majority of your time with, your love, your energy, your everything on is never an easy task. If you’re like me, you reflect a lot upon the reasoning behind it, putting your needs first, but also keeping in mind the feelings held by your significant other. This was my situation most recently.

However, I began to realize that the break up itself was not the hardest part. It was the aftermath that soon followed. Letting go of someone you once loved and cared for never makes for smooth sailing. No matter who is responsible for the ending of the relationship, breaking up is equally as difficult for both parties. It is a strange adjustment that both must endure, as they struggle to figure out what to do in their spare time, and who to spend their free time with now. Losing your significant other is like taking a piece of you, and tossing it into the trash. Because I feel that we literally lose a piece of us with each person we love. We willingly give them this piece.

Why?

Because of love. Because of these overwhelming feelings that always have us on our toes; they’re always causing the smiles at the late night texts and the constant butterflies that are felt in our tummies. So we don’t question ourselves when we give a piece of us away to this person. This person becomes our everything, and when the day comes that we may finally have to say good-bye? The pain is almost unimaginable.

But sometimes it must be done.

I thought, no, I believe still to this day that my decision was the correct one. And I stand firmly in this decision. I saw this with each passing day because I became a witness to the aftermath of our breaking up. I quickly saw that I was to be the bigger person even when we were no longer together.

I think that is what makes breaking up hard, when the two individuals are not on the same page in the aftermath. People have different ways of coping, and I understand that. Especially in a world such as ours’ today where everything is brought forth to the social media world, it’s almost difficult to find a small corner to be quiet and alone to let yourself feel the sadness that slowly becomes to consume you.

But sometimes it’s in this aftermath where you see the real colors of the person you once loved. And it’s a saddening realization.

If your once significant other really cared about you, I feel he or she would be respectful. As I mentioned before, this is never an easy task. What may follow will be lonely and sad, but it just worsens if both parties are not trying to be respectful towards each other. So that’s why I feel both parties need to be respectful of each other afterwards. It won’t be an easy transition, but trying to take time and recollect yourself afterwards in the first step after a break up. Having both individuals involved who are mature enough to carry on afterwards makes it not entirely easier, but it does take some of the weight off.

The aftermath is a time to see another’s true colors. People sometimes lash out or act differently when something they want is taken away from them. But be respectful as an Ex. It’s not an easy path for either you and the other. But if you really cared about that person at one point, you would not want to cause any additional pain even post-break up.

So be nice, respectful, and help make this transition easier for the both of you. It’s the mature thing to do. Give each other some space; both take the time to reflect upon yourselves as individuals and try to plan where to go from here; hit the gym, try a new food, meet some new people. But never try to bring your ex-significant other down. So be nice, and show love from a distance.

But then again, what would I know?

Until next time,

Johnna

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