Back in the Saddle Again!

One thing I have been trying to focus on lately is overcoming some of my fears. I am realizing that while some fears are rational, others are not. I am learning that before I say “I’m scared” or “I can’t” I need to take a deep breath and ask myself what I am afraid of more, trying something and not being successful, or trying something and getting hurt. I realize that many of the crazy things I do come with the risk of injuring myself. I am always walking that very fine line of trying to push myself out of my comfort zone, but not push beyond my limits.

One activity that I have wanted to try again, despite being a little uneasy, was horseback riding. My first (and only) experience with being on a horse was not exactly a traumatic one in the sense that it gave me nightmares and made me want to run and hide every time I saw one of the furry fellas, but it was enough to make me not really care to get back on one for a while. My first attempt at riding a horse came as part of a bachelorette party back in 2000 for one of my college friends. I remember her giving us the ideas she had in mind for what we could do to help her bid ado to being single:

1. Take a limo into NYC and go clubbing

2. Go to a spa for the day

3. Horseback riding

There was quite a bit of excitement amongst the bridal party when she said #1 and #2, so I was a bit confused when she yelled out in joy “Alright! Horseback riding it is!” I looked around at the rest of the bridesmaids and most seemed as confused as I was, but I thought “Well, it’s her show and I’ll try anything once so let’s do this!”

When we first rolled up to the stables I saw this cute little guy moseying around a fenced in field and immediately asked the instructor who was assisting us if he could be the one I got. The instructor laughed at me as he told me that the little guy was a pony and not a horse, and therefore he was too small for me to ride. His response confused me for two reasons 1) He looked plenty big enough for me to ride as his back practically came up to my shoulders and 2) I thought ponies were just what horses were called when they were young and hadn’t reached a certain age yet. I did not realize they were two different things (bad biology teacher!)

The instructor walked us past the pony and over to the barn and gave us helmets. He then proceeded to ask who had never been on a horse before. Mine was the only hand that shot up – awesome! I now had images of the entire bridal party racing off ahead of me while my horse takes off and I go flying…

The instructor then informed me that since I never rode before he was going to put me in the front of the group behind the lead instructor so I wouldn’t feel so nervous – ok great. He walks me over and introduces me to “Marshmallow” – a beautiful white horse with some scattered black spots all over his body – just like the toasted goodies you roast over a fire. As I stood next to my trusty steed I was a bit perplexed as the top of his back came to well over my head. I knew horses were big, but DAMN this guy was HUGE! (Insert corny “that’s what she said” joke here).

I stood there for a moment wondering exactly how the hell I was supposed to mount Marshmallow. I was going over every possible maneuver I had in my repertoire at the time (which wasn’t much because my yoga skills didn’t get honed until much later on). I finally decided on using my gymnastics background from back in the day and was looking to see if there was something lying around that I could use as a make shift springboard. I then saw the instructor wheel over a set of stairs and told me to climb on up and into the saddle – thank God because the last time I tried to vault a horse was at parkettes and I practically broke my ankle (my father and I still argue over that to this day, he says it was a sprain but he wasn’t the one going up and down the stairs on his ass).

So there I was, sitting on top of Marshmallow looking down at the ground thinking “Holy shit it’s going to be a long way down if I fall off of this thing.” I was trying not to think about how much falling off would suck while the instructor went over “horseback riding for dummies” with me. Pull right on the reigns to make him go right, pull left to make him go left, kick him in the ribs to make him move forward, pull back on the reigns to make him stop. Easy enough. The instructor asked me if I got it all, I shook my head “yes” and sat patiently atop Marshmallow as the rest of the bridal party got on their horses.

As I was waiting, all of a sudden Marshmallow started making a U–turn to the right and headed for the barn. I yanked the reigns hard to the left to get him to turn back but he wasn’t responding. I tried pulling back to make him stop, but he wasn’t having it. Another instructor came over, grabbed his reigns and walked us back to our position at the front of the line. Marshmallow stayed put until she walked away (this horse was not dumb, I will give him that)… then he decided he wanted to head back to the barn again. I tugged and tugged but he was pretty set on going back to the barn. The first instructor came over and again put Marshmallow back in line. The instructor stood there for a minute and then just as he started to step away he saw the horse start for the barn again at which point he grabbed the reigns and stayed with me. I told him I didn’t think Marshmallow was “feeling it” for whatever reason but the instructor kept assuring me that everything would be fine. I couldn’t see Marshmallow’s face, but I imagined it looked a little something like this:

As soon as the entire bridal party was situated the lead instructor told us to give our horses a kick in the ribs. I know horses are pretty sturdy creatures, but I would be lying if I said this didn’t make me feel as though I was abusing the animal. So I gave Marshmallow a gentle kick and he started walking and following the instructor on the horse in front of me. The instructor led us to a wooded area with a trail. I started to relax a little until Marshmallow let out something that seemed like a cough, sneeze, and snort all rolled into one. This startled me so much so that I swear my ass came 10 inches out of that saddle. As we walked deeper into the woods I could feel heat coming off Marshmallow and once again some wicked body function came out of him that scared the shit out of me. Something was not right with this horse.

We continued on our little trail walk, all the while Marshmallow seemed to get hotter and hotter. It was to the point where I could hold my hand a solid foot away from his neck and still feet heat coming off of him. We came to a place on the trail where it came to a decent decline and had some downed branches covering it. The lead instructor turned to me and said, “don’t worry, the horse will simply step over the branches and you will be fine.” Um, ok. I watched the instructor’s horse gracefully step over the branches without any issue and continue down the trail. Next was Marshmallow’s turn. He stepped over the branches with his front two limbs, then decided to stop dead in his tracks, facing down the decline and causing me to feel a little something like this:

I hugged Marshmallow around the neck and whimpered to the instructor ahead “A little help, please?” Both my jaw and ass cheeks were clenched as tight as possible as I had a visual of me rolling over the horse’s neck and having him step on me and squash me. The lead instructor told me to kick Marshmallow, so I gave him a light kick, but nothing happened. She said, “kick harder” so I did, and still nothing happened. “HARDER” she raised her voice at me. Against my will I kicked as hard as I could but Marshmallow was remaining firm in his decision to stay status quo. The instructor finally came over and guided Marshmallow over the branches and down the decline to where the trail flattened out. I told her that he felt really warm and that I thought something was wrong with him. She said he was fine and we continued on. I was fairly certain that at any given moment this was going to happen:

Marshmallow had several “moments” along the rest of the trail. It seemed like an eternity until I finally spotted the barn from where we started peaking through the edge of the woods. As we emerged from the trees and back into the open field towards our starting point all I kept saying in my head was “almost done… almost done.” When we reached the make shift staircase the first instructor held Marshmallow steady for me as I dismounted, and with much relief, descended the stairs back to terra firma. I took a moment and caught my breath. Once I had regained my composure I told her, again, that I felt something was not quite right with Marshmallow and she assured me she would make certain to tell the on site veterinarian. Thinking she had said this just to appease me I kind of lingered near her just to make sure that something was indeed said. I saw her lead the horse into the barn and motion for another gentleman to follow her. The rest of the bridal party dismounted their horses with smiles and laughter talking about what a great experience they had – bitches!

We returned our helmets to the office area and said “thank you” to the stable employees as we exited the building. While we were heading to the cars I overheard the gentleman that had followed Marshmallow into the stable say to the instructor that the horse had an upper respiratory infection. This offered a solid explanation for both the sounds and the heat that were coming out of Marshmallow the entire excursion. I felt terrible thinking this poor horse had to lug a 130+ pound chic around when he could barely breathe. I give that horse a lot of credit because if someone sat on me when my chest was super congested and I was running a fever I would have mustered whatever strength I had to knock them the hell off of me. Luckily for me Marshmallow was much more understanding than I would have been if I were in his situation.

As much as I love animals I never really had the desire to ever get back on a horse again… at least not until I had several students who ride horses regularly tell me how awesome it is. I told them my tail of woe with Marshmallow and one of the girls offered to take me out on her horse if I ever decided to give it a go again. I mulled it over and decided after 15 years it was time to give it another shot.

So there I was, standing outside my car at Molasses Creek farm texting my former student to let her know I had arrived. I was a bit nervous, but kept telling myself to relax because animals can sense fear and so far, this horse had not given me any reason to be afraid of him. My student replied that she would be right out. I watched the one building and waited for her to emerge, but instead of coming out of the building in front of me I heard her voice behind me. I turned to see her on top of her horse. The horse, a gentle giant named Karsyn, must have sensed my slight apprehension. He walked right up to me and placed his nose over my shoulder to pet him, almost as if to let me know he comes in peace and I had nothing to worry about. He was so sweet and easy going that I relaxed immediately. Here is a picture of me and my new BFF, Karsyn:

My former student peep, Kelsi, led me into the indoor riding range and dismounted the gentle giant and we chatted a bit. She had known I was a little nervous so I appreciated the opportunity to warm up to Karsyn a bit more before climbing on board. She gave me a helmet and helped me get situated as I settled into the saddle. She adjusted the stirrups and went over the basics with me, then put what looked like a leash onto Karsyn to guide him. This helped me out quite a bit mentally because I trusted Kelsi and knew that if she was holding that “leash” she had control and would not let anything bad happen to me.

Once I felt more comfortable she took the guide leash off and had me walk Karsyn on my own. She went over something called “posting” with me. I thought I had decently strong legs because I am a distance runner, but holy shit did that “posting” thing work my inner thighs! After a few laps of me successfully not shitting myself Kelsi asked if I wanted to try a trot. I was feeling pretty brave and I knew that Kelsi would not suggest me trying anything that she did not feel confident I could do, so I said “sure!” She explained what I needed to do to get Karsyn to pick up the pace to a trot and I did as she instructed. Trotting was quite the experience for me. My ass was bouncing up and down in the saddle and all I kept thinking was how in god’s name do jockey’s make this look so easy? It was a little scary going faster, but with Karsyn and Kelsi I never felt unsafe or out of control. I will say there is a hell of a lot to think about when you are trying to do the trotting thing so I think my mind was so occupied with what I needed to do with my legs and the reigns that I didn’t even have time to be afraid! I think both Kelsi and I knew that I was nowhere near ready to try a cantor, so after a little trotting I brought Karsyn back to a walk and dismounted.

I didn’t want to be a pest, but I really wanted to see Kelsi ride and show me some tricks. I asked if she wouldn’t mind showing me her skills and she happily obliged. Watching her ride was awesome! She made it look so effortless. She had Karsyn jumping over the fences and doing figure 8’s. She looked so graceful and happy. When she finished I asked if I could hang out to see what she has to do to care for Karsyn after a ride. She willingly showed me what she needed to do to cool him down, clean him up, and prep him to go back into his stable. I felt as though I may have been a bit annoying because I was asking so many questions but all of this was just so new to me and I really wanted to know what having a horse entailed, not just what it was like to be on one. Kelsi answered every question I had and allowed me to tag along as she cleaned Karsyn and got him ready for his “nap.” She even let me feed him some treats, which he took ever so gently from my open palm.

I thanked Kelsi and headed homeward feeling pretty accomplished. While I thoroughly enjoyed the riding itself I must say that my favorite part of the day was not only getting to be a student, but also having the opportunity to have one of my former students “take the reigns” (pun intended) and be the teacher. It was a good reminder to me prior to starting back at work to remember that our students have as much to teach us as we have to teach them. It was a little bitter sweet to say good-bye to Kelsi as I was blessed to have her in class for both AP Bio and Genetics and now she would be moving onward to college. I am so incredibly grateful to her for taking her time to give me the opportunity to face my fear of getting back in the saddle. I hope that she will stay in touch and maybe even allow me to take Karsyn for another spin when she is home on break.

Now I just need to find a student who has a friendly pet tarantula that they can teach me how to hold and maybe I won’t cry like a little bitch anymore when the holy terrors come crawling my way…

#melissa #faceyourfears #horses #horsebackriding #personal #animals #trynewthings