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Scars are Sexy: Part Five

Melissa
Aug 11, 2015
2 min read

After I left him I dropped out of the dating scene for a while so I could refocus on my goals and myself. I finished my masters’ degree, became more focused on my running by signing up for long distance events, and took up yoga. I loved my job and was starting to feel happy in my own skin – FINALLY! I was invited by a close friend to be a guest speaker on eating disorders for their 8th grade health class. I wasn’t really sure I wanted to speak about my struggles, but out of all of my friends, she never gave up on me, nor told me I had a “problem.” She was just always there supporting me in whatever way she could, so I felt the need to somehow repay her. Aside from my friends pulling the intervention stunt this was probably the next biggest step in my healing process. I thought about preparing a speech, but after crumbling up rough draft after draft I decided to just “wing it” and speak from the heart. So I rounded up some “then and now” pictures and headed to her classroom. I couldn’t believe how nervous I was when I arrived. This was a class of 8th graders, I teach high school, so why were my palms so damn sweaty???

So there I was… standing in front of a classroom full of beady little eyes sizing me up and probably thinking, “ Why can’t we just watch a video? Why do we have to listen to this random chic???” And then the words came pouring out… “Hello, my name is Melissa, and I am a recovering anorexic.” This was THE first time I said those words aloud and the first time I actually admitted I had a problem. I shared with them my story… I laughed, I cried, I put it all out there. I showed them my scars; no excuses, no trying to hide them. The more I shared my story the more I felt this sense of “healing.” After I finished I had several students who approached me. Some just gave me a hug, some thanked me for being so honest about my struggle, and a few cried and told me that they had similar feelings about how they felt about themselves. It was the first time I opened up about my issue, but I knew it wouldn’t be my last. If I could save one person from having to go through what I went through I would tell my story until I was blue in the face. Something about that day was a release. Even though I was still working out and planning my meals accordingly, it was the first time I actually felt that I was in control of my life again. Things were going great for the next few years, but the demons returned in 2011.