Mean People Suck

They are out there, no matter what your age, or where you go, there will always be some… I am referring to MEAN PEOPLE… and yes, they do indeed SUCK! From the people who pick on you for what you wear or what you do with your hair, to those that feel the need to belittle you for doing a back bend in bikini bottoms on a paddle board, they are always there. I really used to let people like that get to me, but I am beginning to learn that their issue really has nothing to do with me at all, rather their issue is with their own insecurities.

We all have our own little flaws and idiosyncrasies, but they are what make us who we are as individuals. I will admit I am a bit overly energetic sometimes; I am a quirky girl who loves to rock funky tights and tutus, and who thinks nothing of dying her hair extreme colors from time to time. Hell, I pretty much cornered the market on funky hair when I was a freshman in college and realized that Purplesaurus Rex Koolaid is a pretty cost efficient way to color your hair on a college kid budget (albeit it is a bit sticky, but cheap none the less).

I love trying new things and challenging myself, and I am not afraid to make an ass out of myself while doing so. If I’m not good at something I just laugh it off and say, “welp, at least I tried it!” I have not found any of my quirks to prevent anyone else from living their own life. Last time I checked, me wearing a tutu doesn’t cause anyone any bodily harm (well except for maybe myself, just a word to the wise…when running in a tutu make sure it is a suitable length for you). I also don’t think doing what I do on a paddleboard in my free time has infringed on anyone’s right to live a successful life. So perhaps maybe some people need to ask themselves “am I really upset about what Melissa is doing? Or am I more upset that I am not living the kind of life that I want to live?”

Despite being fairly happy with the person I have become, I still recognize that I have some flaws that I could use a little work on (I mean no one really is perfect after all). I will be the first to admit that I DO NOT like change. I am OCD (self-diagnosed, and am in no way making light of this condition in any way, shape, or form.) I am your typical “perfectionist,” “Type A,” “make a plan and see it through” kind of girl. This often leads to frustration when I have to veer from my “plan,” or when others don’t follow through on theirs.

I have the compassion and patience of my mother but the Celtic blood of my father, so when I feel I am not being heard or am being forced to make a change I don’t want to do I will channel my inner Merida and tell you exactly what I think about the situation. I have been working on this though. I have been making an effort to at least hear people out, listen to their ideas and advice, and even when I am not 100% on board I make an attempt to try things in a different way. I have also gotten better at asking for things in a kinder manner, rather than seeming as though I “demand” it be done IMMEDIATELY. I will admit, however, that I feel justified in flying off the handle if after several times of asking nicely I am still not being heard or am being played. If I do flip shit on you, you should consider it a compliment because it means I think you are worth something and I want to try and work on whatever it is that is happening. You should be more worried when I DON’T lash out, because that means I no longer care and I no longer see you as someone who is worthy of my time, it means I have given up on you, and giving up is not something I do easily.

While not giving up easily is typically viewed as a strength, it can act as a double-edged sword. Not giving up my running or working out when I have been injured has often times led to more severe injuries, which in turn led to even more time off from doing what I love. I have run numerous half marathons and a even a full with stress fractures, tenosynovitis, tendon and ligament issues, and more recently I pushed through some hip bursitis in a marathon relay only to have the bursa rupture at mile 4 (and yes, I still ran the next 9 miles out). All this because I “didn’t want to give up.” Yeah, it made me feel pretty badass that I was able to do those things, but I always say there is a fine line between badass and stupid and I often like to teeter back and forth over that line. And so I add that to my list of “things I need to work on.” On the upside this has taught me the value of the “rest day.”(Silver lining)

My “not wanting to give up” mentality has not only caused me physical pain, but emotional pain as well. It has caused me to be used and taken advantage of by a number of people. I have given way too many people a second, third, even fourth, chance (more about that in another blog). I have this hope that maybe I am the one who can “change” some of these people; that maybe they will magically wake up one day and say “Wow, Melissa doesn’t really ask for much and has been patient and kind to me, maybe I should start to reciprocate.” But what I am starting to learn is that this is a delusion. I have learned the hard way that time and time again, despite your best efforts, you can’t make anyone change who they are, unless they, themselves want to make a change.

One of my other flaws, which ties in directly with being a perfectionist and not wanting to quit, is that when frustration does set in because I am not feeling like I am making any progress, I become very pessimistic. The glass always looks “half empty” and I always find myself apologizing to people because I somehow feel as though I let them down. I was first called out on this back when I was in college. I was at field hockey practice and one of my teammates completely ran right into me, I remember apologizing to her and she looked at me and said, “Why are you apologizing to me? I ran into YOU!?” I didn’t say anything back, but remember thinking, “If I were just a little faster, or played that ball a little bit better, that would not have happened.” I still, to this day, have friends who have told me “if you apologize for one more thing you DIDN’T do I will actually do something to make you sorry.”

One really good friend sat me down about a year ago and said in the nicest way possible, that it is ok to be a pessimist and complain about things you cannot change and apologize for things that you may have done wrong, but I need to stop complaining and apologizing for things that I CAN control. If I can change something, then change it, or stop complaining about it. It took me some time to really digest this but I have made baby steps at looking at the glass as “half full,“ or at least as not being “empty.”

I have begun to make attempts at looking for positives even when swimming in a sea of negatives. I try to keep my posts on social media as upbeat and inspirational as possible. I may still post my frustrations from time to time, but I try to find something good in the frustration. For example, when I couldn’t run on National Running Day due to the hip issue it was really hard to not want to post a selfie of me with my middle finger up for all those runners talking about their awesome long run or track workout. It was even more difficult to not let my car veer a little too far over to the shoulder of the road every time I passed someone running (don’t judge... any of my other running friends have felt the same way when injured, if they tell you otherwise they are lying!). But instead of bitching and whining about it, I went to the pool, swam 2100 meters, then did 15 minutes of aqua jogging, so I too, still got to run on that day. It may not have been exactly what I wanted, but it was something, and sometimes something is better than nothing.

Unfortunately not everybody seems to think my posts are “positive.” It was recently brought to my attention that someone felt as though instead of me turning a negative into a positive I was bragging (you win some you lose some I guess, can’t please everyone, you whine they bitch, you try to be more upbeat they say you brag too much). Said individual felt that I brag too much about the people I “meet” and how I have all these people that are willing to “hook me up with shit.” I would say “I’m Sorry,” but since I am making a conscientious effort to NOT apologize for things I didn’t do, I won’t.

I am not going to apologize for being appreciative that I have a friend who swings great deals on baseball attire and sweet tickets to games. Forgive me Red Sox Fairy for always saying “thank you.” I should just assume and expect that I am owed all that (Sarcasm). I am not going to apologize to my sister’s friend who was generous enough to give me a VIP tour of Fenway and let me slip a World Series ring on my finger just to see what it felt like. Guess it was wrong of me to post those pictures on social media, guess I am not allowed to be excited when cool shit actually happens to me (Sarcasm). It’s just that after having been through a lot of crappy situations I get excited when my luck seems to change for a little while.

I am not going to apologize that I accidentally ran into Arthur D’Angelo and thought that was pretty cool. Nor will I apologize that I thought visiting Gwen Stefani’s high school when I was in Anaheim would be neat, and in doing so I managed to score a copy of her senior yearbook, have coffee with her neighbor who showed me pictures from her wedding, and got to meet her mother. And I most certainly WILL NOT apologize for meeting Shaun White and telling him face to face why he is such an inspiration to me (for those of you who don’t know the story, Shaun was born with some heart issues that required surgery as an infant. Doctor’s told his parents “don’t expect him to do anything athletic.” I kept thinking about what he has accomplished and used it as my driving force during my rehab from double knee cap replacements after being told by a not so nice PA that I would never run or snowboard again). So I will not apologize that I actually, by some miracle, was given the opportunity to tell him that he is the reason I am back on my board and running today. And I have no shame in saying that when I told him this we both almost cried, and when he gave me a big squeezy hug I almost peed a little because I was so excited.

I will also not apologize for being bold enough to rock a tutu, some funky outfit, or some ridiculously abnormal hair color… I’d rather stand out and be proud of who I am than blend in with the norm because I am too afraid to live my life and do what makes me happy. So the next time I invite you to do something with me and you decline because you are afraid people may make fun of you, don’t get pissed when I post it on social media and people actually like it and think it’s cool! If the way I live my life is causing you so much strife feel free at anytime to go to my Facebook page and click the magic “unfollow” button. This button will still allow you to keep me as that “coveted” friend so your all impressive number of friends won’t go down, but it will prevent my horrible posts from popping up in your news feed. You will still be able to creep my page whenever you like, since we all know you need to be able to still do that… Or if what I posts bothers you to the point where you are now losing sleep at night and feeling the need to send group texts about me and my lifestyle (since it apparently is ruining yours somehow) then DEFRIEND ME! You don’t like my inspirational quotes on twitter??? I piss you off so much that you can’t stand me, guess what? Twitter has a magical “unfollow” button too!

People who are truly happy with themselves do not feel the need to belittle other people or gossip about them. As my wise friend told me “If you have the ability to change something that makes you unhappy then do it.” Otherwise quit your bitching. I am just going to be here wearing a tutu and rocking some yoga on my paddleboard. I am recognizing my flaws and at least trying to work on them, the question is, are YOU?!

In closing I leave you with the wise words of one Billy Joel…

“I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life

Go ahead with your own life and leave me alone.”

#personal #meanpeople #reflection #melissa #blogger #opinions