"You should not have to rip yourself into pieces to keep others whole"

I’ve found in my limited years on this Earth that there is one thing that will ALWAYS be true. You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t, and that is truest when it comes to you and your kindness. Personally, I have been having a lot of issues with this lately. I’ll go and let someone in, just be completely, 100% real with them. But then, they leave me alone with nothing, don’t talk to me, or text me telling me to fuck off, nothing, and the next time I see them, they treat me like I hit their dog purposely with my car.

Now, I have no idea AT ALL as to why people treat one another like this. I think the world would be a happier place if people actually communicate their feels (good and bad) on a regular basis. Mostly because when someone ignores me, I feel like I did something terrible to them that I somehow missed. Although in reality we just didn’t get along as great as I thought we did or something like that. When something like this happens, I would love if there was always a courtesy text message/voicemail sent/left. Just because I think it would be nice to know when someone doesn't want to be friends/see you anymore. Seriously, just text me saying “Hey, I actually just fucking hate you and never want to talk to you again. So let’s make that happen? K bye.” Yes, it will hurt, but it would be better than 2 agonizing weeks of wondering what the fuck I did wrong and hoping maybe you’d text me.

But honestly, I need to get over these feelings.. This comes with the territory of being the kind of person that I am. And after 21 years of being this way and it getting me in trouble SO many times, I would have learned this, but apparently not yet. I still find myself bitching to my best friend about it when in reality, it just shouldn't matter to me. I should be able to drop them just a quickly as they dropped me. My dad always tells me, “But that’s the difference between you and everyone else, sweetheart. Your kindness is both your strength and your weakness.” And as I get older, I really start to realize what he means. I realize that I am not here to satisfy everyone, nor should I aim to do so because I will wear myself so thin (been there, done that). It’s just getting past these feelings that I think I, along with many others, need help getting past.

Some ways that I have personally used to help me get past these feelings (some are more productive, others more counterproductive, but they still feel fabulous):

1.) Listen to your favorite genre of music while driving with all your windows down on a sunny day. Scream those lyrics at the top of your lungs and just know that life is as good as you make it, and right now, it’s pretty fucking great.​

2.)Remember that it is their loss. If someone doesn’t want to talk to you, then that’s their problem, not yours. You put in as much effort as they’d let you. It’s not your fault that they sucked at letting you in to stay.

3.)Write a letter to said person, vent into that letter, let them know how much it hurt you that they just left. Let them know every little feeling that you feel. Whether it’s going to be 3 pages or half a page, write it anyway. But you’re not sending it, you’re setting it on fire and you’re going to watch it burn. This helps far more than anyone really realizes. It comes from the Wiccan culture (or so I’ve heard). Just knowing that you’re feelings are out and no one had to be hurt by what you said, it lifts a weight.

4.) Text that person one last time.. Put the ball in their court: Tell them you haven’t heard from then in a while and that you were just curious as to how they were doing, you miss talking to them, etc. And just let them know that even if they don’t want to talk, you just want them to know that you are there for them if they need you. That way, you are leaving the lines of communication open for anytime in the future that they may need it. ***THIS SHOULD ONLY BE DONE IF YOU ARE CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF NOT TO TEXT THE PERSON AGAIN AFTER THIS. THIS IS JUST THE SAME AS A “GOODBYE FOREVER” TEXT AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH BY YOU IN CASE THAT IS THE DECISION THE OTHER PERSON MAKES.***

#hannah #rant