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CONFIDENCE

alwaysaladyllc
Sep 1, 2014
4 min read

The key to confidence is not letting any one know/think there was ever a lack there of in the first place. You need to meet every morning with the same zeal you would have if you were Beyoncé (without actually being Beyoncé, of course). You want Satan, himself, to quiver in his pointy boots every time he hears your feet hit the floor in the morning. You want every evil queen in the history of EVER to feel small in comparison to how you feel when you look at yourself in the mirror with pure self-love.

BUT, I can only image what you are thinking, “How do I get to that point? It CAN’T possibly be that easy, can it?” Well, if you really put your mind to it, it CAN be that easy. You just have to realize that it will take work, and the work starts at finding where exactly your confidence and self-love lies. Once you find these, you will be unstoppable.

While working towards my own confidence and self-love I ended up having to climb out of a grave that I allowed someone else to dig for me. I fought, tooth and nail, to find my confidence and the ability to love myself. It took me a while, months actually, to get my bearings enough to step outside my comfort zone and begin looking in places I never expected to find any results. Little did I know that having my own photo taken could turn into something so much bigger, and could show me so much love.

It was all by accident. Just perusing Craigslist hoping to find something interesting.. Maybe a funny “missed connection” to brighten my night, but I found myself in the jobs section looking around when I stumbled upon something that really caught my eye. A photographer that was searching for new models to shoot. I contemplated contacting him for about an hour before sending my initial email, but I cannot even tell you how glad I am that I did. His response was almost instantaneous and had so much excitement in it, especially for just a simple email. We set up a date to meet and do work on an initial shoot just to see what we could come up with.

That day I went into the studio unbelievably nervous, I didn’t know what this could possibly entail. I thought it was all about duck faces and “sexy eyes,” but I was dead wrong. DEAD. WRONG. Long story short, I learned a lot that day.. I learned that a model isn’t just a pretty face, you need to be able to convey a personality via a picture, which is NOT as easy as it sounds. I went from the beginning of the shoot: stiff, scared, duck face-y, not having any idea what I was doing. To the end of the shoot: knowledgeable of posing, stance, “delicate hands,” and catching a glimpse of a confidence and love for myself I never knew that I had before.

That night I received an email with pictures attached that blew me out of the water. I had never seen myself in such a light (and when I say “in such a light” I do not mean photoshopped to shit. All the pictures were natural and the photographer used light to show contouring and all that good stuff). This was a way for me to see myself through another’s eyes, and that is what started my climb out of my grave. I was able to see the light that I had been missing all along, the light that was in my own eyes, in my own face. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I just couldn't get enough. I never wanted to feel any less beautiful than I did in those pictures. So I vowed to myself that everyday, no matter how shitty I woke up feeling, I would be as fierce in life as I was in those pictures. I would portray my photographed persona to anyone who didn’t know me and strut my stuff like the big, bad, bitch I had always wanted to be.

Now, I look back at how I was and try to imagine exactly what was going through my head at the time. I know I had been put down ALL through middle school, not as much in high school, but then, again, in the beginning college I was in the worst relationship of my life. But even going through my own past, I could not figure out why. I have come such a long way, just knowing where my happiness lies, that all the pain of the past, and memory of my lack of confidence fades away into the darkest corners of my brain. Talking with my good friend (and photographer) each shoot just continually empowers me to keep going and bettering myself. He also continues to remind me that being me is perfect and whoever disagrees can take a very long walk off a very short pier.

Confidence can be found in the most random places, and you can take that from me. Your confidence and where you find it can also make you some of the most random, but much loved friends you will ever have. Without having left my comfort zone I would never have found my comfort being in front of a camera, or being able to blog like this, open and honestly… And without my confidence, I sure as shit wouldn’t be where I am today. So go out there and find where your confidence lies. Today is your day, tomorrow is your day, and so if every single day to come. Don’t ever lose that or sight of yourself. Remember: you can be your own version of Beyoncé if you just let yourself be you.